To Remember

Last weekend while in New York City, there was one thing I absolutely had to do. It wasn't about shopping or eating or really sight seeing, it was about paying my respects and remembering the events that shattered a beautiful September morning and forever changed the world.

When my conference broke for lunch on Sunday, I hurried outside and up a few blocks to catch a cab to make my 1:15 reservation to visit the 9/11 Memorial. (I am so happy that my mom told me that I need a reservation to get into the site and I was lucky enough to be able to get a reservation during my lunch break. Actually it was the only time open as most of the slots for the month of September had already been booked.) For more information if you are interested in visiting, please go to http://http//www.911memorial.org/

As we drove down the West Side Highway, I was unsure of how I was going to feel when I actually entered the site. I was nervous, anxious and excited all at once. I was not sure what to expect. The cabbie let me out a few blocks away as it is hard to get too close to Ground Zero - many streets are blocked off or one way and the area is still very much an active construction site.

The last time I had been at or near ground zero was in April of 2002, when myself and my then boyfriend took his son into New York for a Mets game and do some sight seeing. I recently found the pictures that I took on that trip and I have pictures of some of the same buildings that are standing today, only at that time the windows were blown out and the site was still being cleared of debris. As I wove my way through the crowds and followed the signs to the entrance, I passed the Brooks Brothers store that was turned into the temporary morgue right after the attacks -
and it was at that point that I realized this is more than a memorial, the area is hallowed ground where so many innocent people lost their lives and that day is something that we should never, ever forget.

To actually get into the site, you have to go through security - it was basically the same as the airport - everything metal off, no belts, nothing in your pockets and everything scanned and then you walk through a metal detector. After collecting my belongings, I went back outside and made my way to the actual entrance to the Memorial.
One thing that you can't help but notice are all the 9/11 Memorial volunteers and law enforcement around the area. Their presence was a very welcome sight.

I wish there was a way for me to put into words how I felt while there, but I can't. I am still overcome with emotion and I tear up, even cry when I think about all the innocent people who lost their lives and their families. I was able to hold it together until I saw this on the memorial:
It was at that point that I couldn't control my tears, I went and sat down called my Mom, to hear her familiar voice and to try and talk about what I was feeling. I am not sure what I said but I do remember telling her that it was beautiful and so quiet and calming.

I think that instead of trying to give words to the Memorial, I will let my pictures speak for themselves.











I am not sure if my visit brought me any closer to peace with what happened that day, but one thing that I do know is that I WILL NEVER FORGET.

9/11...A Decade Later

I would have never thought on that beautiful, crisp September morning a decade ago that our world was about to change. One of the things that sticks most for me was the most perfect shade of blue of the cloudless sky. I remember looking up as I crossed pedestrian bridge over Columbus Boulevard before walking into my office building for a pre-work workout. I think I slowed down because it was so beautiful. The color was so striking and I remember thinking to myself that it was the perfect day. One that should have been spent outside enjoying the early Autumn weather and not behind my desk as an environmental paralegal. The sky was much like the one today...


The sun (coming up this morning at YUL when Arabella and I dropped Jay off at the airport) reminded me of the sun on September 11, 2001.

I kept walking like any other work day and I had my workout. And as I was getting ready to leave the locker room to head to my office on the 18th floor of the Hartford Steam Boiler Building the music that was playing was interrupted by the announcement that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I remember thinking that it had to be a small plane and I remember calling my brother and leaving him a message. I then left and headed to the elevator...there was a slight buzz in the air with the news that was just heard. But as the elevator arrived and I boarded it, I had this odd feeling that things were not going to be OK and I was nervous about stepping off it. I don't know why, probably nervous energy, but when the doors opened, my usually very busy law firm was eerily quiet. I remember going to my desk and people looked somber. And this was only mere minutes after the first plane had crashed into the tower. My coworkers that were in the office, we all going towards the kitchen to see what was unfolding on the TV. I made my way to the kitchen and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I remember my eyes filling up with tears and then there was this sense of fear that came over me. I remember being scared and I am not sure what of. It was so hard to work with all that was going on. We were allowed to leave work early and for that I was grateful. I needed to be where I felt safe. I wanted to see my family and to know that we were all OK. Living in Connecticut, it was hard not to be affected by what was going on just 2 hours south of us. I remember bring glued to the TV when I arrived home, it was like a bad movie and I had to watch it. I couldn't turn it off. I remember being so worn out from the emotions and what I was seeing, but I couldn't sleep. It was horrible and I cannot imagine what the families of the victims were going through.

While I was just 2 hours away from the tragic events of this day, Jay was on another continent. He was in Milan, Italy for CAT and he remembers seeing people standing around the windows of the CNN or another television building (he can't remember exactly which news outlet it was). Being curious of what was happening, he saw the events unfolding on the TV's in the windows. What is striking to me, is that even across the ocean, the sky was the same shade of perfect blue. These are pictures that Jay took when he was in Milan on that fateful day...notice the date stamp...



I feel worn out today. I cried this morning when I turned on the TV and saw the memorials taking place. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling and Arabella couldn't understand why I was crying. She didn't want me to be sad and she put her arms around me and started to cry a little too. She asked me why I was said. I told her that today was a special day and that mommy was upset. As any 3 year old does, she asked why again. And I didn't know what to say, I couldn't stop crying and I was frozen in front of the TV. When she asked a 3rd time why I was crying, I told her that some bad men took over an airplane and hurt a lot of people with it. I didn't know what else to say to her but I had to tell her in words that she would be able to understand. I know that she will learn about this day as she grows older.

My heart is heavy and hurts when I think about the victims and their families of this tragedy. My heart also breaks for all our troops who have made enormous sacrifices and lost their lives over the last 10 years while fighting the war on terror.

So much has changed over the past decade and our lives since that day will never be the same. I will never forget September 11, 2001 for as long as I shall live.

Fitting Tribute

As we were walking into the airport in Columbus, I noticed the following tribute to the brave men and women who fight to keep the United States safe. I thought it was fitting to post since I saw it only days after Bin Landen's death and I wanted thank all of the men and women in uniform - you are appreciated more than you know and thank you for all that you do.

I Remember

I remember just like it was yesterday. The most perfect blue sky without any clouds. The warm early Fall sunshine. I remember looking up at the sky before I walked into my office building to workout and I wonder know if I knew in that second that the world was going to change. I remember as I was getting ready to go up to my office hearing on the radio that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. At that moment I called my brother, thinking that it had to be a small plane, not knowing that in that moment it was something more terrible. I knew as soon as I stepped off the elevator at my firm that something horrible had happened. There was a silence that I had never heard before. People were in the break room huddled around the television watching the terror unfold and all the sadness that it left behind. I remember being scared and worried about my family and what could happen next. I remember being glued to the television and computer at home to try and make sense of what had happened, I could barely sleep that night.

Just thinking about September 11, 2001, makes me cry. I have the following picture framed in my office of the twin towers



Recently, Arabella was in my office with me and she pointed to the photo and said "Castles, Big Castles". It was so sweet and she was so inquisitive as if she was asking me to tell her about the castles. In the only way I could while tears filled me eyes, I tried to explain that they are castles in the sky and are filled with angels who are watching over our country. That was the best I could do, at least for now. She will learn about it soon enough when she goes to school and learns US History, and I wonder how the story will be told and what the school books will say about this horrific day.

In that one instant the world forever changed and it will never be the same. Today, I remember those who lost their lives and their families. I remember those who protect the United States and are in harms way to keep us safe. And I remember to be thankful for those we hold closest to our hearts, for we never know when our lives will change in an instant.