A Little Reassurance

Someone recently told me that being a stay-at-home mom was the toughest job in the world. And HE, yes HE (and not it was not my dearest husband), is right. The past few days have been terribly difficult for me. And I mean DIFFICULT!! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the recent days would be like this.

I remember after having Arabella I just wanted to stay home with her and going back to work was so hard for me. I has spent almost 16 weeks with her and thought I was the only one who could care for her. I remember after I dropped her off at daycare that first day, crying the whole way to work. I am so lucky to have been working with my best friend, if it weren't for Jonna, I don't know how I would have made it through those rough few weeks. As time went by, I learned that day care was good for her. She was interacting with other adults and babies. And it helped that we had an amazing day care with amazing teachers and people who really cared for the babies and children in their care. I couldn't have asked for anything more from her day care. (So if you are in the Dublin, Ohio area, I highly recommend Joyland in Dublin!) We got into our routines and everything was great. And when we were told we were moving to Canada, I was very excited about being able to stay home with her!! It was going to be great!

But lately, it has been so difficult. She is starting the terrible 2's. And instead of being 23 months old, she has a mind of a 12 year old. She wants to do what she wants to do and when she wants to do it. She hates being told no and she has no problem melting down in public. And it seems like the locals have never seen a child melt down in public before. You would not believe the stares, looks and/or comments that I have gotten when we are out and it happens. You would think that Canadian children don't melt down...would some of my Canadian friends tell me this is not true, please???

Sometimes I second guess my mom abilities and think to myself, why am I doing this, I have a Work Visa, why not get a job. I have been told it would be easy for me to get a paralegal job. But then I remember, I can't speak French to save my soul and I would need to pass a paralegal competency exam for Quebec. Besides, I really do like staying home with Arabella. But recently, I have wanted my 50+ litigation/arbitration caseload back! I had no problem keeping everything organized and under control. It seemed like I was meant to do that work and I loved it. But I also love my daughter and I (think)I am meant to be a stay-at-home mom to her. So when I received an email from my mom today with a forward about being an awesome mom, that little bit of reassurance helped.

So for those of you that need a little reassurance, here is what she forwarded to me (I am not sure who the author is or I would give them proper credit):

Before I was a Mom ,
I never tripped over toys
Or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
My plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom ,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
And my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom ,
I never held down a screaming child
So doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
Watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom ,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
When I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
Could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom ,
I didn't know the feeling of
Having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
To feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
Between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
Could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom ,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom .
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
Before I was a Mom